MAN RULES, with a twist

My husband sent this to me one day. He thought it was funny. I also thought it was funny. Mostly because it's partly true. The other part... Well, that's in blue.

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)  We always hear " the rules" from the female side.... Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

No, for that, they would have to have brains. (too easy, come on)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

You just did.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Then don't bitch when I want to watch Dancing With the Stars.

1. Crying is blackmail.

Only if you're weak enough to give into it. Therefore, you're weak.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Absolutely true. Because men can't be expected to actually think about what a woman is saying.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

For children.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

We can solve our own problems, thank you very much. Usually by getting rid of the men in our lives..

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

Because your brains are not big enough to store those comments for longer than 7 days.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

Usually we do, after you've screwed it up.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

Such as lock up behind you when you leave?

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Because your vocabulary consists of only 32 words.
There were a few more but I found myself bored. After all, don't you tend to ignore him after he's exhausted his 32 words?

And by the way... I love you, honey.
Stephanie Julian